My Top 5 list of Don'ts in Dating

I could share more like 50 don'ts in the the dating world, mainly because I have probably done them all at one point or another, but I like to keep a little mystery going so I will keep it to 5.

1. Don't post your feelings about a guy on Social Media sites until there is a ring.

Some time ago I met a guy online who was seriously handsome. After some time of chatting back and forth, he asked me out. I felt a wee bit overwhelmed going into the date, but I figured I could match his attractiveness with my cute factor and great sense of humor.. ;) So fast forward and we are on the date. The date is going really well in my eyes and we are getting along fabulously. As the date concluded I felt pretty comfortable that we had both had enjoyed the evening and a second date would follow. I said goodbye and went into my apartment excited to talk to my roommates about my evening. After talking to them, I did what any giddy female would do.... I posted that I had a great time on my Facebook status.


Many of you will read this and think the same thing that I did...what's the harm in posting that you had a good time? Well, come to find out from the guy himself that after seeing that, he got nervous about asking me out again. WT?!! Serious? I was perplexed and sought some understanding and to my surprise, it seems my "innocent" statement of having fun made him feel like I was too eager. So, to this day, while I personally don't see what the big deal was, I am going to go with his response and say, keep your elations to yourself in the beginning.



2. Don't think you are in a commited exclusive relationship after one or even two dates.

I was having a conversation with a guy about this particular topic. He said that he hated dating because he felt women expected him to make a decision about how he felt about them within 2 weeks of meeting. He said it was ridiculous and way too much pressure. I have to agree with him on this, but let's face it, there is a huge majority of us who have done just that. I know you could all share stories of meeting someone and having a great connection and thinking, why do we need to look any further...we found each other!! Well it seems like this is a huge don't, no matter how electric the first or even second meeting is. The key here is take it slowly. If it was meant to be, taking your time can only be to your benefit.

3. Don't share EVERYTHING about yourself too soon.

It can be a little overwhelming to an individual to hear your entire life story including family feuds, medical history and any other intimate details, during the initial phase of dating. I'm not saying that they should never be shared, but baby steps people, baby steps.

4. Don't feel entitled to know the schedule or whereabouts of the person you just met.

I know that we all risk getting hurt when we put our emotions on the table. I also know that we eventually want to be able to trust the person we are in a relationship with. But that is the key, we should first be in an exclusive relationship before we start quizzing each other on who they were talking to on the phone with all night. A good friend told me that trust isn't something that is automatic. If he wants a girl to trust him, he will be trusting and make sure that she feels she can trust him, but only when he wants to be exclusive. I tend to agree with him on that. Just going out with someone once doesn't mean they should stop talking to every other guy and girl. Wait till there is a mutual agreement.

5. And finally, don't assume that because you have been on a couple dates, that you are Dating.

This one is a biggie and I'm afraid, I have broken a few times...hey I'm learning this stuff too! Anyway, I have come to realize that we automatically say we are dating someone when it is still in the early stages, thus confusing yourself and those around you. Let me define, if you are dating someone, you and the other person are either exclusive or on the road to exclusivity, otherwise, you should just state that you two have gone out (insert amount of times here). I know it is exciting to be able to tell friends and family that you are dating someone, but once again, there should be a mutual agreement in place.

So there you have it, Erin's Top 5 Don'ts. So what are some of your don'ts? I would love to hear your stories.

Next up... Top 5 Do's in Dating..

Pretty People Deserve Love Too

I love the movie The Holiday, with Kate Winslet, Jude Law etc. I remember watching it for the first time and relating to Kate Winslet's character. In Kate's introductory scene we learn she is in love with one of her co-workers. He is handsome. successful and charming, who wouldn't fall for that? After their flirtatious interaction during the company party, the boss calls all employees in for an announcement, Kate's crush just got engaged to a the perfect girl, beautiful, skinny, long hair etc. It is a bit painful to watch and we see Kate's face and know she is completely devasted. We automatically hate the guy and his new fiance.

Now Kate Winslet is not horrid looking, in fact, she is beautiful, but the new fiance to this guy is stunning. If you notice, in movies where someone cheats or moves on with another person, that person is usually young, physcally fit and gorgeous. As an audience, we almost always end up hating that young, physically fit and gorgeous person right?

So I've thought about this a lot in the past years. I often wonder if good looking people get a bad rap. Now this isn't a discussion on what we consider attractive and unattractive, I'll save that for another post. This is to discuss a lot of stigma attached to physically attracive people.

I'll be honest, I'm made misguided assumptions about pretty girls. I have thought, on occasion, that if a guy is dating a beautiful girl, he is only attracted to her looks. I realize that the probability of me being spot on in this assumption is high...but... what if she is really sweet, loving, intelligent and fun? If a girl is dating a hot guy, does that mean he isn't funny, humble and kind? Don't they both deserve love?

Haven't we all been in a situation where you wanted to hate someone attractive but they were really cool and great to be around?

I have been in the position several times of having the "Hot Friend". The friend that all the guys want to date and when you walk into a room with her, they forget you exist. It can be tough, but if I became friends with the gorgeous girl in the first place, there were great qualities present that I liked and admired about that person.

I see this with guys too, the hot guy and his buddy. For all we know, the hot guy could be a saint!

I hate to admit it, but women are the worst. Judgements about other women are made constantly, based on looks. If they are attractive, they must be jerks or lack intelligence. I mean they can't be good looking and be a decent human being..can they? ;)

Through my personal experiences, I do better now at refraining from deciding ahead of time what a person is like. I also feel better about myself when I recognize the awesome qualities and gifts another person has aside from their looks. Pretty people need friends too, you know!

So instead of dissin' all the pretty people, I say get to know who they truly are.. and if it so happens that they turn out to be self-absorbed, jerky, ignorant idiots, then you have my permission to delete them from your Facebook friends.

How the Muppets ruined my relationship

In elementary school there was a boy who had a crush on me. He was tall (ok, everyone is tall to me) handsome and funny, there was just one little dilemma....He had a huge fascination with The Muppets. I'm not talking about just liking the show, he had actual muppet puppets. He did impersonations (his favorite was Fozzy the Bear), knew muppet facts, I mean, this kid LOVED the Muppets.

In the beginning I wasn't too keen on Muppet boy, but over time, he won me over with his humor, outgoing personality and charm. Soon we were liking each other. I found myself more interested in the muppets as well and was watching the show in order to familarize myself with the characters.

When you crush on someone, who want to be able to enjoy the things they enjoy. It's not just an adult thing, for I found myself wanting to learn all about the muppets, just to keep that connection with the boy.

Well, Muppet boy would occasionally put on little skits at our school assembly. On one occasion he asked me if I would help him. You can imagine my excitement I felt, when given the opportunity to finally handle one of his puppets and to be on stage side by side performing the skit together. How romantic is that!

Well this was the beginning to the end. I had no idea how intense his hobby (obsession) was until we started practicing. It was almost as if these puppets were real people. You had to handle them a certain way, there was a way in which they moved that had to be exact and don't get me started on the Muppet voices!!

His desire for a perfect performance soon began to spoil any excitment I had of sharing the spotlight with him. I started to hate the Muppets. No longer were they cute and fun. They became more and more annoying and childish. My crush was slowing being crushed.

I couldn't stand how he couldn't get through a day without talking like one of the characters or talking about the show. I was thinking of ways to bow out of the performance, but I didn't.

I went through with the Muppet skit. I know I wasn't as enthusiastic about it as he was. After the skit was over, well we were over too. We drifted apart. The Muppet love was over.

I look back on that from time to time and wonder how it could have been different. Even though that took place quite some time ago, that same scenario has occured over and over again in my relationships.

I am all for being open minded to new experiences, but that doesn't mean we have to engulf ourselves with the same hobbies of those we are dating. Naturally, we are going to have similarities that draw us together, but we should also embrace the differences and be ok with allowing the individual to engage in those hobbies..... alone.

It wasn't Muppet boy's love of the Muppets that killed the relationship, it was his need to have me feel the same way, that started the demise. I also realize that I was 10 years old and really wasn't equipped with the communication skills to take a stand or express what I wanted.

So while the Muppets ruined that immature, elementary crush, it taught me a lesson. One, you can't control the things people like. Second, it's o.k. to appreciate bits and pieces of these talents and hobbies without feeling a need to love them to the same degree. And finally, it's ok to say no if you don't want to play with a hand puppet.

I got over my anger against the Muppets over time, I even love the Muppet Christmas Carol, but please, whatever you do... don't ask me to impersonate Miss Piggy.

The "Code"

My friend and I were having a conversation the other day about relationships and break ups. As we were talking, he brought up the "Code". Now I don't know about you, but every time I hear that word, I think of Jack Nicholson yelling at Tom Cruise that he can't handle the truth.

In relationships, the same statement may be true. First, let's define it, (Erin's definition). The code refers to refraining from flirting or seeking a relationship from someone who your friend has been involved with or is interested in. The code conversation came up because I was explaining to my friend how I had just set up one of girlfriends with my ex. He listening to my reasoning and then explained that he didn't think he would be cool with one of his friends getting together with his ex. He felt like the code should be followed, out of respect for your friend...but I disagreed on some points.

I agree that if your friend is beginning to date someone or has established a relationship, then trying to tap in on that is just bad manners, but calling "dibs" on someone or stating ownership of your crush seems immature and ridiculous. I use myself as an example...I had a crush on a guy a while back and felt all giddy being around him, as luck would have it, on one occasion, I invited my beautiful friend to come hangout with me at a mutual event that this guy was at. As I got even luckier...he fell hard for my friend. I admit I was seriously annoyed and quite jealous about this and didn't want to bring her to anything else. But there was a problem, she was a great girl. He had every reason to like her. The worst part was she wasn't doing anything to encourage it so it made it even harder to be mad at her.

After a couple months passed, I finally let go of trying to change his mind or prevent her from speaking to him. As it turned out, she wasn't interested in him enough to want to pursue anything, and I am still friends with the guy (still crushin a bit too). So this is what I learned. We can't control who other people are attracted to or fall in love with. Even if their choice is a bad one, it's their choice. In my opinion (and you can disagree), when we set up a "code" we feed into our own insecurities. I can't tell you how many relationships have been ruined by this. I'm afraid I have been guilty of this on occasion. Just like Jack Nicholson stated to Tom.."you can't handle the truth,", many of us just can't handle the truth that our crush isn't returning the love. It takes a lot of courage to admit that and to move on from it.

One final story to think about, back in my twenties, I had a great group of friends I hungout with all the time. There was a girl who was dating one of the guys and they were a couple. Then the guy moved away for awhile and told his best friend to look out after his girlfriend. Well you can probably guess what happened, the best friend and his girlfriend fell in love. I am sure it was painful, but the guy and the girl ended up getting married and are still together some 15 + years later with 3 kids. So it really can be hard to make a concrete judgement. This is of course, the opinion according to Erin, so I am curious as to what all my single friends think about the "Code." Do you think it should be followed strictly, Do you think there are gray areas?

You did What?!

I recently set up the man I was in love with for two years, with one of my girlfriends. I can hear the faint gasps from those of you wondering why I would do such a thing, so let me explain.

Back in high school, my best friend at the time began dating a super cute guy. Now they didn't actually go out much because he lived in a different city 3 hours away. I was the supportive best friend and encouraged the courtship, like all good friends do. Well fast forward a couple years, my best friend was no longer dating this guy and while having a conversation one day, she tells me that he has a crush on me and has had one for a long time.

I am a bit shocked but excited at the same time. I always thought he was cute and sweet and to find out that he was digging on me gave me goosebumps! So I asked her permission to write him. That turned into a 5 year romance.

Well a couple years ago I met a really cool guy and fell hard. I would have probably married him in a heartbeat if it weren't for one small issue....he wasn't in love with me. So I did what lots of us hopeful romantics do, I stayed friends with him thinking that eventually he would see how awesome I was and change his mind. Unfortunately, that didn't happen, instead we became really good friends, and while it was hard at times because my feelings were strong, I finally received closure that it wasn't meant to be.

Now during this time that I have known him, there were moments that I thought my friend Betty (name changed, of course) would be a good match for him. I never mentioned it to him though because what girl wants to put herself through that emotional cliff dive. But during a conversation I was having with him recently, I found myself bringing her name up. It wasn't as difficult as I imagined, and he was excited for the chance to go out with her. It was interesting how easy it was to tell him about all the reasons I had for wanting to set them up. I felt like an adult, it was cool.

Now, I am not saying that the way to get over your ex is to go out and set him up with your bestie and I'm not condoning individuals in exclusive relationships do be dishonest or cheat, but I also don't think I have a right to prevent two people from meeting each other just because it may be uncomfortable for me for awhile. If he loved me, he wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Maybe this is crazy thinking, but I kinda like the idea of the man I'm in love with feeling the exact same way about me. Besides, if this does work out between the two of them...they promised to name their first born after me.

Dating 101

I remember when I couldn’t wait to date. Now, instead of going about the process of securing a date for Friday night, I would rather schedule a root canal…without the laughing gas. So what’s changed? The increase in ways we meet people through media outlets has made finding a good match nearly impossible. If an individual is lucky enough to find a decent match, the simple exercise of dating has become so complex, it requires a doctorate to degree to navigate all the do’s and don’ts of datingdom in order to get your happily ever after.


The list of to do's reads like a recipe card. You need 1/4 cup of manners, 1/2 cup of stability and ambition, 1 cup of humor and a dash of common sense. Mix them all together and you could create a sane individual worth getting to know.

But this is 2013, and dating is no longer as easy as seeing someone, striking up a conversation and setting up a time to go out. There are hundreds of dating websites to browse and profiles to critque. It makes me a little uneasy to think that someone could know most of my personal history even before speaking a word to me.

We have been given free reign to judge, crticize and admire people based on something they say in a 1000 words or less.

So why do we put ourselves through all of this? Well, that's easy...because Love feels wonderful!

When you are in love, everything and everyone looks great and all is well in the world. I always know when someone is in love, because they love the whole world and want everyone else to love the whole world like they do. That is what love does.

So how do we all find that special someone that will give us those types of feelings without having to enter dating rehab?

Well, that is what I am here for. This blog is going to be the key to finding that someone and having a fun time on that journey.

I want you to share your stories...the good, the bad, the ugly. Share your advice and experience because that is what I plan on doing. I want us to laugh, cry and stir the pot. Let's get honest.

The saying goes that it takes a village to raise a child......I think it's going to take a village to find that special someone.....so time to get started.

About Me

So tell me about yourself? It's the most common line we use in the world of dating, but also the
most difficult to answer, for many of us. I've had to write quite a few papers about myself and my
personality, so here is a basic “about me” that I've come up with.

I'm a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a best friend, a student, a writer, a dreamer, a motivator and
creative thinker. I love exploring, which contributes to my love of traveling. I love to find places that
people don't visit much. I think you can find something unique about anywhere you go. I challenge
myself constantly. I love all kinds of movies. I have a secret talent for being able to link 2 actors within
6 degrees or less. I love to dance and could dance for hours. I believe I am here to help people in one
way or another. I think I give good advice. My family is the greatest and we have a blast when we are all
together. My nieces and nephews are some of the coolest and funniest people I know. I love chocolate.
I love being girly and quirky. I am dependable. I’m smarter than I look. I love wrap around porches
and weeping willows. I can play any sport (whether I'm fantastic at it, is another story). I can be quite
adorable when I want to. I'm single, which gives me lots of great insight for this blog. I think wisdom
along with knowledge is better than knowledge alone. I love non-fiction books. I think everyone,
including myself, has a great story to tell. I love asking questions. I think there is a lesson found in
every mistake. I love a good debate, but when I am wrong, I’ll admit it. I am a hopeful romantic. I
think intelligence and humor are sexy. I’ll never stop setting and achieving goals. I love to change my
style, but will always be most comfortable in a t-shirt and jeans. In an emergency, you would want me
around. I don’t dream of being famous, I dream of making a difference in peoples’ lives.