What Machu Picchu can teach you about dating

I climbed a really big mountain last week. It was harder than I expected. There were moments that I just wanted to turn around and be done, but I didn't. I kept going up (straight, straight up) until I finally reached my destination.

There I was looking out at the most spectacular view, hardly anyone around, and all I could think about was "where is my damn camera?"

Yup, I had no device to record this religious moment I was experiencing with this mountain. My heart just sank when I realized that I would not be able to capture the beauty I was seeing. I was frustrated for not keeping my camera with me and was getting caught up in disappointment that I felt, for not being able to have proof of my accomplishment.

It was in that moment, when the light bulb in my head went off. I was at the top of Machu Picchu, looking down at the most undeniably magnificent wonder of the world, a place that millions of people may never see and I'm worried about taking the perfect picture?

I quickly sat down on a rock and took a deep breath in. I thought that since I didn't have a camera, I would take mental images of what I was seeing and savor the feelings they were bringing to me. It began working. The frustration over not having my camera was replaced by this feeling of joy. It was a life changing moment. I came to the conclusion that I was responsible for creating magic moments in my life. I have a choice to embrace opportunities and gifts that are placed before me.

If I continued to fester inside about this small detail, o.k. maybe no camera isn't small, but if I let it consume me then I would have missed this most precious moment.

Now, you all may be wondering what this has to do with dating and relationships, but it really does correlate.

There are times, I find, that I get too focused on what I may be missing rather than opening my eyes to what is before me already.

It's easy to feel like being in a romantic relationship is the only way to obtain an all encompassing joy, but the reality is, the joy is already there for you to experience and embrace and it doesn't require that you have someone with you in order to fully relish in it.

I think the quote "You complete me," from the movie Jerry Maquire is pretty classic, but to me, it's a misrepresentation of what would really bring you contentment. It's easy to feel like having a boyfriend or girlfriend may some how validate who you are, but if you focus too much on obtaining that, you miss out on what is already obtainable.

I like the idea of completing myself through my talents, goals and dreams. The only person I need to prove things to is, me, myself and I. I don't need to have a boyfriend to have a fulfilling life.

It would have been great to have photos of the lush mountains and all, but the images and feelings associated with them are forever cemented in my memory.... and lucky for me, it won't need to be downloaded.

Happy Valentines Day

I need to start this off by admitting something....I like Valentines Day. I have to admit it feels great when you are knee deep in love with someone and want to spend hours spelling out "I LOVE YOU" with shaving cream, oreos and gummy bears, on their car. It doesn't even matter if you have someone special in mind, the universe has given everyone permission to be absolutely and unapologetically cheesy and gushy for one whole day, and be rewarded for it!! I love it!

Just remember it's not a big deal if you don't have a "special someone," just like it's not a big deal if you're not wearing green on St. Patrick's Day. The world won't end and you are still lovable. Go give your mom or dad a hug, or go hug your pet. Even more fun...go give that cute stranger a big kiss on the cheek..... wait, ok, maybe avoid anything that could get you arrested.

Have a HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!!

I know I will.... ;)

Subtle Hints that are actually.. Quite Obvious

"Rejection is only damaging when you start believing you are not complete" Iyanla Vanzant



I actually had another blog post topic in mind but I have plans to spend more time on it, so this will just be a quickie... guys will most likely be ok with that. ;)

The post idea came to me while watching "The Bachelor." To be honest, lots of blog post ideas swirl through my head when I watch the Bachelor, but here are just some things that I want to share.

When it comes to how we love, we may profess that it is so complicated and we try to reason with it. Guess what, love is love. You can't reason with it. Love can get skewed for some individuals, based on their relationships growing up or experiences in life, but for the most part people know when they feel real love. That brings me to my next comments. When a person feels genuine love, and I'm not talking lusting or obsession, I'm talking real love, they want to make sure not to let it go. So let me give you obvious realities to some hints you may or may not see. You have probably have heard them before and your well intended friends have probably told you to not worry about them, but I am going to say, if you identify with any of this.....Worry about it.

1. If the guy or girl you are "dating" doesn't post pictures of you and acknowledge you in a public way.... there is a reason, they know it's short term. Yes there are people who don't participate in media outlets but it doesn't matter. People who are truly into you are talking about you to their friends, family, neighbors, pets, you name it, they want people to know how great you are. A huge, wake up and leave now, is when the person asks you not to post pictures on media sites that were taken of the two of you. At that point, they just want to make sure their other prospects are not diminished from seeing those pics and assuming exclusivity.

2. If you are constantly getting excuses that they can't see you or spend time with you, guess what, you are short term. I knew a couple who each had 5 kids from previous marriages and the man owned his own busines, they liked each other, and you know what.. they made time to be with one another. If you are only getting a few hours every other week, the person is just bored and wants companionship.

3. If they pull the "I'm not ready" card on you super early or when they feel you want more, that is obvious, masking in subtlety. This comment is going to be directed to the ladies because I have learned from experience, if you aren't exclusive after 6 months, chances are you will never be. If the guy begs to have you back, they can have you back... exclusively. Trust me on this. It is ok to date for a year or more but it should be on an exclusive basis. If a guy or girl wants you, they aren't going to risk letting you go and someone else snatching you. If a person is exploring their options, they are dating several individuals on a regular basis. When they find that they want to pursue you more, they will let go of the "other options." That is what love does.

4. If they hide things from you, if they encourage you to date other people, if they are still on all the dating websites (active status).... They don't want to be with you!!!!

Are there instances when the opposite of all these is true, sure, at about the same percentage that I will get chicken pox again.

We know love, it makes us feel great and confident. A person who truly loves and wants to be with you will want to do things that make you happy and you will want to do the same for them. When you love someone, you tell them and show them, even when it's hard.

I have been in love before and let me tell you, I was never jealous of him talking to other girls because I knew you loved me back. He was good to me and sweet and he wanted everyone to know how much he loved me.

Now you can continue to tell yourself that your person is "different" and that you just need to keep being patient and sacrificing your needs and wants, because they will come to their senses eventually....um nope... hardly happens. In fact, you are free to test out anything I have said by walking away from the misery right now and seeing what happens. If I am wrong, I'll buy you a cupcake.

Just think about it. If you are in a yo-yo relationship, get out, do some soul searching, become confident in who you are and realize you deserve to be loved in the best way. Don't shackle yourself to an individual in the hopes they change their mind, we all know what happened with the Mayan calendar prediction.... hint hint.

Erin's top 5 Do's in Dating

So I promised I would follow through with the Do's list since I already covered Don'ts. I am always happy to hear what you would suggest as well, so feel free to post your Do's.

1. Do pick up and use the device called a PHONE to ask for a date

I think it is funny how some people can meet, text, set up a date via text and go on a first date without even speaking to each other ahead of time. And we wonder why human communication in relationships has declined. Look, it's just as nerve racking as it was 50 years ago to ask someone out, but be an adult and pick up the phone and call, you're going to have to eventually speak to the person anyway, might as well get a head start. Besides, I think it's hot when a guy calls to ask for a date. Even hotter when they call because they want to get to know you better. This goes for ladies and gentlemen.

2. Do make sure you are honest from the beginning

Probably a good idea to mention if you are still dating someone else, or let's say still married or even better, have a warrant out for your arrest... ha you think I'm kidding on that last one. Many of you will think this is a given, but I have heard lots of stories and have had experiences myself regarding this. I don't think it's necessary to divulge all details of your life in one or two sittings but be upfront with who you are, let the person make a decision based on the truth, you never know what will happen, but you can be guaranteed what will happen if you lie.

3. Do be respectful from the beginning

I think this is a huge thing. In this current dating culture, we seem to no longer have respect in dating. This goes both ways. As women, we need to be respectful that a guy has had the courage to ask us out, we should respond in a timely manner, whether it's a yes or no. I have been guilty of this myself, so lesson is being learned here too. I also think that guys should stop freaking out so much about going on a date with a girl over "hanging out." RELAX, YOU DON'T NOT HAVE TO MARRY ANYONE YOU DON'T WANT TO!! It shows much more respect when you take the time to call and to make the other person feel like you want to spend time with them. We have screwed up the way dating should be and we wonder why we all hate it so much.

4. Do follow through

I think we can all agree that things happen and our lives are busy, there are lots of single parents and well life gets away from us sometimes, but if you say you are going to call, CALL, if you can't call, say you can't call or don't say you will call in the first place if you know you really won't call. NO ONE has you strapped to an electric calling chair!! It's not going to kill you to call. My biggest follow through issue is those that say they want to take me out, but never actually follow through, I'd prefer you never mention it to me in this first place, if you have no plans to follow through. When your ready, get the number and then follow through. Just a thought folks.

5. Do commit to something good

I'm sure,for some, bamboo shoved underneath your fingernails sounds more enticing then the thought of having to commit to someone. Let me clarify, I think you should commit to something good. It may be for a short time but if two people like each other and enjoy spending time with one another, why screw it up and throw half a dozen other people into the mix, or worse, end it because your freaked out that there could be someone else, out there, who has 2 more things in common with you and you need to give them a chance. We are so afraid of hurting someone else's feelings but we hurt them more by draggging them through the "dating" pool. I'm not saying commit to everyone and it's o.k. to just date, but if you meet someone you think is great, be o.k. with focusing on each other a little longer, you may find that they are just what you needed and wanted. If you realize that you don't see a future with the other person, tell them, but give something good, a chance first. Remember, YOU DON'T HAVE TO MARRY ANYONE YOU DON'T WANT TO.


And because it's Super Bowl Sunday:

A young man was very excited because he just won a ticket to the Super Bowl. His excitement lessened as he realized his seat was in the back of the stadium. As he searched the rows ahead of him for a better seat, he found an empty one right next to the field.
He approached the man sitting next to the empty seat and asked if it was taken.
The man replied, "No."

Amazed the young man asked, "How could someone pass up a seat like this?"
The older gentleman responded, "That's my wife's seat. We've been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she has passed away."
"Oh, how sad," the man said. "I'm sorry to hear that, but couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?"

"No," the man said, "They're all at the funeral."