Just Friends.. Part Two

It's that question we wonder about over and over again. Can men and women really be friends? The answer is... yes.

Now, even though the answer is, yes they can, there are some points to think about. First, I mentioned in Part One that in order to be real friends, there needs to be an equality in the relationship. Whether you both agree that you like each other but don't want to pursue a relationship, or you agree that the feelings are purely platonic, in order to keep the friendship stable, both parties need to agree on that.

Why, you may ask? Because if one person has romantic feelings for their friend and it is not returned, it's difficult to maintain an unbiased mentality toward the actions of the person you have feelings for. You want them to like you, you want to be with them. You may be able to stay by them, but feelings with always be hurt. You can deny it all you want, but it's the truth.

I've experienced this several times and each time I would tell myself that I could put away my feelings in order to maintain the friendship. It never worked...well, it did work, but after my feelings had diminished.

So because of this, I have begun being more honest about the "let's be friends" offer.

A while ago I met someone that I ended up liking a lot. At first, the feeling was mutual between us but it soon became one sided as the guy decided not to pursue the relationship. It hurt, but I immediately offered my friendship. I did this because I didn't want to lose contact, I wanted to see him again and if I was really honest, I was hoping that he would maybe change his mind.

Well, he didn't change his mind and even though I was friendly around him and tried to be "just friends", it didn't work. I still had a hard time seeing him with other girls or listening to him talk about girls he was interested in.

So instead of continuing on in this delusional state, I told him that I couldn't be friends with him for the time being. I told him I would be a crappy friend. I didn't want to hear about his romantic pursuits. If I was going to be the friend I wanted to be, I needed to get complete closure first. It turns out, he respected what I had to say and was willing to give me that space.

It took less time than I expected, but I did get closure from that and have moved on from the romantic attachment. I now feel that I can be friends with him and we can sustain mutual respect for each other. It feels pretty great!

I'm not advising that women go out and dump all their guy friends or vice versa. This really is directed toward those who stay friends after dating or in lieu of. The purpose is really to have you evaluate the friendships that have the romantic inequality and make decisions that keep you emotionally healthy.

The second point is, ask yourself why you need to be friends with this person. Is the friendship healthy and balanced? IT IS O.K. to not be friends with an ex boyfriend or girlfriend.. ( My BF Nancy is going to love that I came to that realization). You don't have to be mean about it and you can still be cordial to each other, but if the romantic relationship is really over, it may be more beneficial to severe communication permanently or at least long enough for the healing process to take place.

If you don't know how to start the conversation, you are free to use my line..."I would be a crappy friend to you right now."

Many of us spend too much time holding onto that thing that causes us the most hurt. In the end, the person that returns your love, will hopefully, also be the best friend you need.